A Wild Assortment
by Team7Star
Summary: The world doesn't have enough room for all the Mello/Matt ideas that flaunt themselves around in my brain. Thankfully, this fic does. Anything and everything, every genre, every level of gay. Enjoy. Rated T for language and yaoi. Written by Son A.
1. Double Chocolate Fudge Brownies

**Well hello, readers. It's almost midnight and I'm tired, so let's get this out of the way. This fic is not supposed to have a real plot. It's really just a way for me to vent out my millions of oneshot ideas for both mine and your amusement. And what better way than to write what pops up in my mind the most: Mello/Matt oneshots. Now I've already got two of these chapters ready, so by the time you read this there should be two chapters up. Enjoy the ride.**

**P.S: Thanks to Gillian for practically threatening to freakin' burn me if I didn't write any fanfics for her to feast upon. You dirty slut. :3**

**Double Chocolate Fudge Brownies**

The second Mello walked into the room, he could smell it. Chocolate. Chocolate brownies. Or to be exact, double chocolate fudge brownies. Mello could always tell when the brownies were double chocolate. Those brownies' chocolate scent was approximately 48% stronger.

He looked around the kitchen, finding a plate full of the aforementioned brownies cooling on the counter. Also in the kitchen was Matt, sitting at the table playing Mario Kart on his DS.

"You bake?" Mello asked, bewildered, causing Matt to pause his game and look up.

"Hn, no." Matt scoffed. "I found a box of brownie mix under your bed today, s' I decided to try an' make 'em." The redhead unpaused his game and continued to play. "didn't see the expiration date," he pointed out. "S' if you get food poisoning, sorry in advance."

Mello tried to ignore Matt's slurred speech patterns; that always annoyed him; and asked a question instead. "What were you doing under my bed in the first place?"

Matt glanced up for a moment, then looked back down to his screen. The multi-colored glow from the DS lit up the lenses on his goggles. "Was lookin' for my underwear," he said blankly. Before Mello could say anything, Matt continued. "which, 'f I remember correctly, I found under your bed last time."

Mello suddenly became very interested in the refrigerator. "I don't know how they got there." he mumbled, to which Matt replied with an unconvinced "mmmhm".

Mello walked over to the plate of brownies, picking one up and sniffing it, as if to make sure it was safe to eat. "Why'd you make these anyways?"

"Dunno. Just thought you were havin' a pretty bad day."

"Where'd you get that idea?"

"You locked yourself in the bathroom for three hours, Mels."

"...I could've been taking a shit in there." He raised the brownie to his mouth to take a bite.

"Careful with 'em, they're hot," Matt warned. "An' I know you weren't. Didn't hear the toilet flush. Next time, you may wanna consider covering up your 'emo session' a bit better."

Mello bit into the brownie, deciding they actually weren't that bad. "It wasn't an emo session, dumbfuck." he snapped, mouth full of brownie.

"Bitch," Matt retorted, not missing a beat.

"Asshole," Mello swallowed his brownie, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Watch the language there," Matt replied, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Who's the one makin' the brownies for you and your sexy ass?"

"My bitch in the kitchen, that's who." Mello said, reaching for another brownie. Matt quickly paused the game and batted the blond's hand away from the plate.

"Your bitch in the kitchen has a name, y'know," He cracked a lopsided grin.

"I believe his name is...Matt, right?" Mello teased, turning to the brownies again.

"That's right," Matt replied, standing up. "an' as resident bitch in the kitchen, I demand some respect an' more sex."

Mello raised an eyebrow as Matt reached for a brownie of his own. "More sex, huh?" he asked.

Matt nodded, biting the brownie. He gagged at the taste. "Fuck, these things are really bitter!

"To you, maybe, but not to me." Mello said, taking advantage of Matt's abandoned brownie and biting it from his hand.

Matt snatched it back, reluctantly chewing off another piece. "Comin' from the guy who eats chocolate waffles with nutella and chocolate syrup every morning."

"It's good!" Mello protested, hands on his hips.

"Mmm, I'm sure," Matt replied, coming closer and trapping Mello against the countertop. "Bet you use the chocolate durin' sex all the time." he whispered in Mello's ear.

"Oh yeah, _all_ the time," Mello played along, smiling a bit.

Matt quickly kissed Mello on the cheek, muttering, "you dirty slut" before stealing what was left of Mello's brownie and walking back to the table.

Mello just shrugged and grabbed another brownie, snorting when Matt bit into the stolen one. "Indirect kissing. Nice." he commented.

Matt's lopsided grin came back, and he picked up his DS. Before he walked out of the room, he called over his shoulder, "You should use the chocolate on me sometime..."

He left Mello with a better mood, a red face, and a whole plate of double chocolate fudge brownies.

**Meh. Fluff is not my thing. But Gill demanded fluff (hardcore is better) and she said her withdrawals are scary, so... I TRIED. Have fun reading the next chapter. And review. Because I'm a review whore.**


	2. Chipped Black Nail Polish

**Oh hai thar. Laptop's gonna die pretty soon, so let's make this quick. I personally love this little one, and I know Gill does too. She's gonna show up a lot in these notes, because she's IMPORTANT. She's like, a friggin part of the writing process. :3 So enjoy.**

**Chipped Black Nail Polish**

Mello studied his nails, frowning. His eyes flickered from his chipped black nail polish to the phone sitting on the table he had his feet propped up on. He stared at the phone, like if he stared at it long enough, it would go off. When he'd been staring at it for a good minute and it still hadn't rung, Mello shook his head, wondering how much more pathetic he could get. He decided he was going to try to take his mind off that stupid phone and focus on something else.

Like his nails.

The black polish was already chipped and smudged, even though he'd just painted them last night. Fucking cheap ass brand. Mello made a mental note to himself to go out and buy a more durable brand sometime. That and some more chocolate. He was running dangerously low on chocolate. At the thought of going out, his mind drifted to Matt, who had disappeared that morning before Mello woke up. Mello had woken up hugging a pillow instead of Matt, and searched their apartment looking for him. There was no note, his phone and car were gone, and Mello got genuinely worried.

Matt had always told Mello he was clingy, and had separation issues, and stuck to Matt's arm like glue. And Mello had always just glared and punched the grinning Matt on the arm. But the truth was, Mello hated being alone. He didn't like having no one there to talk to, or to comfort him, or to love, because he'd been alone up until he was eleven.

So Mello may have been clingy, and had separation issues, and stuck to Matt's arm like glue, but it was only because he cared. It was only because he didn't want to be alone. He wanted to make sure the person beside him was real, and cared, and wasn't going to just up and leave.

Naturally, the first thing Mello had done once he realized Matt was gone was frantically scramble for his phone, and bombard Matt with more texts than he could count. There was "Where the hell are you?" and "You asshole you left me all alone over here get your pretty ass back here I need you" and the least polite: "You son of a fuck you make me fucking worried answer me"

So as Mello worried about where Matt could've gone, and why he wasn't answering any of his texts, he tore his eyes away from his poorly painted nails and stared at his phone again. Did Matt just leave? Did he not care anymore? Was there someone else? Mello knew he was being paranoid and obsessive. He couldn't help it.

Much to his delight (and sanity), the phone beeped, signaling a new text message. Mello grabbed at the phone, fumbling to turn it on and check to see who had sent the message. It was Matt.

"Sorry Mels, phone was off and I didn't know. Don't worry so much, I only went out to get a couple of things. I'll be back in an hour maybe. Love you :3"

Mello had never been so happy to see a text in his life. "Don't worry so much" the message had said. '_Too late, you inconsiderate fuck,_' Mello thought to himself even though he was smiling a bit. Mind at rest, Mello lay down on the couch, deciding he was suddenly sleepy, and fell asleep.

()o()o()o()o()o()o()o()

Had he put a blanket over himself when he lay down? Mello tried to remember. He was pretty sure this blanket was strewn across his bed this morning. And he didn't remember having any blankets near the couch.

Still a bit sleepy, Mello pulled himself off the couch and looked around. There were bags on the kitchen table. Bags he didn't have there before. Matt was home.

As he approached the table, a couple of things caught his eye. They weren't in bags like the rest of the items, and there was a note underneath them. It was a box of his favorite chocolate bars; the milk chocolate kind with the tinfoil wrapping that made the most satisfying snap when you bit into them; and a bottle of black nail polish. The durable kind. How had he known?

"Thought you might need some stuff. :) I'm sleeping. ~Matt" The note read. Opening the package of chocolate bars, Mello grabbed one and headed off to find Matt. He found the redhead sprawled out on the bed. Mello couldn't tell if he was asleep or not. It didn't matter, because he climbed into the bed and hugged Matt, burying his face in the other boy's back.

"Hey," he heard Matt mumble sleepily, shifting a bit to look at Mello.

"I thought you left." Mello mumbled back, still hugging Matt. "Like, for good."

Matt snorted. "As much as I hate you," he joked. "I wouldn't leave. Never."

"Good." Mello replied, sitting up and kissing Matt on the cheek. "It'd be a shame if I lost my loyal dog."

Grinning at Matt's lazy pout, Mello tore open the chocolate bar wrapper and bit off a piece.

_Snap_.

**Be proud. This took an hour. Praise me. Love me. Review. I feed them to my pet dragons, and right now they need food. Feed the dragons. I'm going to bed. *collapses* ^-^**


	3. Obsessive

**Hello again. This chapter is roughly 4,000 words, which is the longest oneshot I've ever written. The title is miserable. Please put it out of its misery. I've been working on this one for a while, it's been something I've been writing and then decided I wanted to finish it and post it as a third chapter. Well actually, Gill decided that for me. She's read most of this, but not the end. You poor thing, I'm making you read the chapter like everyone else. Enjoy.**

**Obsessive**

It's been about maybe 20 days since I started school here. And over the course of those 20 days, I, Matt Jeevas, the red-head gamer dork with not enough friends, have officially lost faith in the humanity.

Why, you may ask? Because everyone at this godforsaken school is a psycho.

Now I don't wanna sound like a complete dick, because I'm really not; it's just that almost everyone here just _isn't normal_. Unlike at my old school where everyone was the exact fucking same. I just don't know anything else.

First up, there's Misa Amane, the blond ditz who talks too much and wears too little. How she gets past the dress code check in the mornings, I'll never know. She's an absolute _pain_ to listen to, she jabbers to her stupid little friends about girl shit and it drives me nuts. I have to be locker neighbors with her, and let me tell you, after only three days I already felt like I'd been to hell and back.

Then there's Light Yagami, the "perfect" asshole who always seems to get perfect grades and has perfect hair and a perfect family and everything is just _fucking perfect_ for him. He hates me. Can't imagine why. Misa is absolutely obsessed with the guy, and has to be clinging to his arm every second of every day. Apparently they're dating, but I don't keep track of the gossip. Almost makes me feel sorry for the jerkwad. Almost.

Then there's that one guy whose name I fail to remember. But everyone calls him L. Believe it or not, he's actually smarter than Imagay (that's Light, I call him this because he's always staring at L all lovey-dovey and that's his last name backwards). L's pretty creepy, I never see him blink, he's kinda quiet, always eating candy, and perches in his chairs instead of sitting on his ass like normal people. He actually hasn't talked to me, only gave me looks that made me feel like I was being raped by his gigantic panda eyes. But it was uncomfortable enough.

There's also Nate River, the itty bitty albino boy that looks 10 instead of 18 and never talks. Most people call him Near. He reminds meof a cloud; his clothes are white, his hair is white, and he's so pale it seems like he's never been outside. He also has problems with his legs, I'm guessing, because I see him walk with a bad limp, or a cane, or crutches. Near's ridiculously smart, and he's been pretty friendly to me since my arrival, so I don't have much of a problem with him. He's just kinda weird.

Probably the creepiest of them all is the psychopathic possible mass murderer, B. Or Beyond. Or whatever it is they call that freak. He's beyond insane. No pun intended. He looks like he could be L's evil twin, except his hair isn't as wild and his eyes... holy shit, his eyes. They are the brightest shade of red, and he claims that's their natural color. He's got some weird jam fetish, I've seen him bring about three full jars of strawberry jam to lunch, and eat out of them with his fingers. He scares the shit out of me. On my first day, all he did to freak me out was bump into me in the halls, look at the space above my head, and crack a sick grin. I prefer to avoid him as much as I can.

Next on my list is Matsuda, the clumsiest person to ever grace the face of the Earth. I've seen him trip on _air_. All the teachers yell at him (apparently for talking and goofing off too much), and from what I've heard he gets terrible grades to match. He's a pretty happy-go-lucky, quirky kind of guy, despite his horrible luck, and he's pretty funny. He helped me out and showed me around on my first day, although he got lost a couple of times and got in trouble for being late to class. I kinda think of him as a friend.

And I've saved the best for last.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing.

Mihael Keehl. Or, as he likes to be called, Mello. Which totally contradicts his personality. He's a possible prostitute with anger management issues and a sexuality so confusing, not even Near could figure it out. He's got this long, blond, almost shoulder length hair that makes him look like a girl, but then you glance at his shirt and realize he's got no chest to prove it. Mello and his tight-ass pants flirt with everything that has a pulse, regardless of gender or age. He's the most masochistic dirty slut of a guy I've ever seen in my life; he's told me he actually enjoys being tied up and dominated. Mello has most likely fucked at least half the school's students. He's always getting in trouble, dicking around, trash talking everyone, and "losing" his homework, and then trolling the shit out of all of us and somehow getting the second best grades in class, without any effort.

He's in (get this) every single one of my classes. Lucky me. When I walked into first period, a little late because Matsuda had taken a few wrong turns, I was assigned the seat next to Mello in the back of the room. The seat no one else had wanted. And I wondered why at the time.

I tried not to notice Mello staring at me, feet up on the desk, chewing on the end of a pencil. He stared at me for a good two minutes, and it was starting to get a bit awkward. So I turned to glance at him and maybe make him feel embarrassed that I had noticed he was practically feeling me up with his eyes. But before I could break eye contact with him, I heard him comment, "You're pretty hot."

I should have been proud. It was only my first day and I was already getting hit on. Except this wasn't a girl. And as far as I know, I'm straight.

I'm pretty sure my mouth was open and I might've blushed a bit, but I think I handled myself pretty well.

"Um... thanks?" I replied, shifting in my seat and trying to find something else to distract me.

"I'm Mihael, but everyone calls me Mello." he said, holding the pencil in his mouth and reaching out as if to shake hands with me. It was like he didn't even notice how uncomfortable he'd just made me.

Hesitantly, I shook his hand, answering back with, "I'm Matt."

From then on, it was like Mello was magically stuck to me. He pretty much followed me wherever I went, like a mosquito buzzing in your ear. I learned how much of a man-whore he was, and other such things about his personality, like how he always wore a rosary and liked to talk to people about his ass and how well his skinny jeans looked on him.

Mello also continued to excessively flirt with me, no matter how much I sent my "DO NOT WANT" vibes towards him. He'd even get physical with me now and then, but it was always just a little touch or a suggestive movement. He probably thought he was being such a dirty little tease.

Once during those twenty days he even stopped to whisper in my ear one period, about how, no, he wasn't exactly straight, so I didn't have to hold back my feelings and that I didn't need to worry.

Around here was kinda when I started to lose faith in humanity.

o()o()o()o()o()o()o()o()o()o

It has now been about a month or two since I arrived here. I've kinda sorta gotten used to Mello and his clingy homosexual tendencies. According to Near, this is only the second time Mello's gotten this attached to one person in particular.

Well aren't I just special.

Just this morning, approximately 4 seconds after I got off the bus, something flew right into my back and bear hugged me. After I almost tripped and broke my face, I noticed my attacker was Mello. He rested his chin on my shoulder, still squeezing the life out of me, and said extremely casually, "Hey, Matty."

Matty is Mello's little pet name for me. I'm not sure if I like it or not. In fact, this whole Mello situation has left me so confused, I don't know what to think of anything.

I looked at Mello's smiling face through my orange tinted goggles, and told him pointedly to "get off my back". Sighing like a little kid, Mello reluctantly climbed off me and instead chose to grab my arm and walk with me.

"I see you wore those tighter jeans again," he remarked, sneaking a glance at my ass while we walked to the front of the school.

"The fact that you keep track of my jeans scares me enough." I replied, not making eye contact.

"I also know you own Mario boxers." he countered, grinning slyly.

I stopped abruptly, looking at Mello, bewildered. "How..."

"Your shirt rode up," Mello explained, running a hand through his perfect hair. "Might wanna pull your pants up a little more next time." He then winked and pulled me by the arm inside the school.

()o()o()o()o()o()o()o()o()o()

Third period of the day, the science teacher announced an upcoming project. He said it would be done with partners, and that he would trust us just this once to pick our own partners. I tried to ignore Mello's excited look in my direction, and instead turned to glance at Near with an expression that I hoped conveyed what I was going for.

My look was supposed to roughly translate to: "Please partner with me so I don't have to deal with Mello I'm begging you I will do anything just help"

Near stared at me with those dark eyes of his, and tipped his head to the side, as if he were debating over helping me or watching me suffer. Then he shrugged and mouthed "Okay" to me.

As I partied on the inside, the science teacher was surveying the room to see if he had made the right decision in letting us pick our partners. The second he saw Beyond glance at L and grin devilishly, he grabbed his clipboard with all our names on it and said, "I changed my mind!"

The girls stopped giggling and chatting and a little piece of me died on the inside. I knew I only had a one in twenty chance of being paired with Mello, but that sense of dread flopped around in the pit of my stomach.

The teacher looked up and down the clipboard, tapping his pencil against the wood as he thought. "Near, you'll be working with Linda," he started. A blond girl in the front of the room snapped out of her trance (she was doodling all over a piece of scrap paper) and turned in her seat to smile at Near two seats behind.

"B," he continued, searching the list. "you're paired with Mike." The kid named Mike dropped his pencil, wide-eyed and looking like he was about to piss himself.

I thanked the gods I wasn't with B, because doing a science project with that freak would probably end with _me_ being the project, and I sure as hell didn't wanna die this young. However, that put my chance of being paired with Mello up to a one in sixteen, and I began to wonder if maybe being with B would be better.

L was paired up with Imagay, a livid looking Misa was paired with Matsuda, and I watched in silence as every person I knew got taken off my list. Every time someone was paired that wasn't me or him, Mello's Cheshire Cat smile grew even larger.

And then, it happened.

Like it always happens in those crappy romance movies and novels.

"Mihael... hm... you can work with Matt."

My soul cracked.

()o()o()o()o()o()o()o()o()

The two of us were in my kitchen, an awkward silence hanging in the air. Mello had come over to work on our science project. Said blond was fiddling with the buttons on his shirt with his feet up on the table, and I was searching for my backpack, which I had the project direction sheet in. Mello decided to break the silence by saying:

"So... you've got a pretty nice house..." He looked around the room as he said this, leaving the buttons alone.

"Uh, thanks," I replied absentmindedly, only half listening. My backpack was somewhere around here...

"So you- uh, maybe wanna go up to your room?" he asked. "I bet it's more... cozy up there."

I stopped my search under the couch to stand up and look at him. "If we go up there," I began. "you're going to take advantage of the fact that my parents aren't home and fuck me."

Mello ducked down back to his buttons, most likely to hide his guilty expression. "No..." He wasn't fooling me. "What'd make you think that?"

I just sighed and looked elsewhere for my backpack. A couple of minutes later I realized I'd left it in my room. Heading towards the stairs, I called over my shoulder to Mello that I'd be upstairs for a minute, and I'd be right back down, and don't destroy anything.

I heard the chair he was sitting in creak, and he asked, "Can I come?"

"No." was the immediate answer.

"I have separation issues."

"Too bad. Deal with it."

"Pretty please?"

"Nope."

"I'll love you forever!"

"I'm pretty sure you already do."

And with that, I went upstairs to get my backpack. Surprisingly when I came back, nothing was on fire. Once we got started, we didn't get much done. I decided Mello is the worst partner you could ever get paired with. He only makes dirty jokes and hits on me instead of helping me out. I was pretty glad this project was so long-term, because that meant we had more time to work on it.

And we definitely needed the time.

()o()o()o()o()o()o()o()

It'd been a couple of weeks since we started the project, and the final product was due the next day. I was feeling pretty stressed, since we were super behind on work, thanks to Mello, and we'd have to work really hard to finish what we needed.

That night, my parents were home and Mello was staying a bit later than usual. My parents had surprisingly taken a liking to Mello when they had met him, which scared me a little. They thought he was such a dear.

"Partnered with the second best in the grade?" they'd asked me. "You'll definitely ace this project, Matt!"

Like it would be all Mello's work.

That night, my parents had demanded the downstairs all to themselves, and forced us up into my room. Mello looked extremely pleased by this, and smiled all the way up the stairs. He even made a show of shutting the door to the room, still grinning like a psycho.

Oh, great.

After about ten minutes of us attempting to get something productive done, and failing, I lost my temper. Slamming my hands onto my desk, I let out a frustrated sigh and glared at Mello.

"Seriously, Mels, we _need_ to get this done! It's our first project of the year and I _really_ don't wanna fuck it up just because _you_ didn't feel like doing any of it!" I yelled at him.

There was a long silence, and Mello's face went blank. A couple of seconds later, a small grin appeared. I had no idea what he was so happy about, until he saw my confused look and explained.

"You called me Mels!" he sang, madman smile growing as he talked.

I didn't mean to. It just came out. I've never thought up any nicknames for Mello, and I guess when I yelled at him, my brain just shat out the first thing it thought of.

"So?" I asked, unnerved by Mello's crazed grin.

And then he kissed me.

I tensed up, eyes wide, and moved back as far as the back of my chair would let me. I ended up tipping over, Mello falling on top of me.

I have to say, being down on the ground with Mello sitting on top of you isn't the best position to be in. Especially when he's got this wild glint in his eyes. Then you know you're screwed.

For future reference.

It's also definitely not the best position to be in when your parents hear the crashing noise the chair made, and come upstairs to check on you. Especially when they walk at the exact moment Mello leans down to kiss you again. Then it's just extremely awkward. And extremely horrifying.

With an uncomfortable cough, my dad muttered something about "leaving us to our fun" and walking away, dragging my mom behind him, who shut the door with a nervous smile.

The talk I got after Mello left about how "it's perfectly fine if you're gay" and "we'll support you no matter what" was even more awkward.

I tried to explain the situation, but my mom just hugged me and said, "You don't have to be embarrassed, Matt. There's no problem at all."

I could've sworn I heard my dad say something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "I'd prefer if you were on top, though."

Because that made me feel so much better.

So, I came to the conclusion that I hated Mello even more now.

()o()o()o()o()o()o()o()

On the day we were to pass the project in, I was a nervous wreck. I don't know what possessed me to give the project to Mello for him to bring to school the next day. The whole bus ride to school, I was imagining what could've happened to the poor project while Mello had it.

It could've been burned, gotten something spilled on it, ripped, folded, _raped_-

It wasn't making me feel very good.

The second I got off the bus and saw Mello, I asked him if he had brought the project, and if it was okay and still in one piece, and he answered yes to both. "Didn't wanna be a bad _boyfriend_ and ruin our chances of getting a good grade." he'd added.

Apparently, he'd heard how my parents referred to him before he left. Wonderful.

"Oh, and you're cute when you're worried." he also said, tapping me on the nose and grinning.

The day dragged on until we finally had science, which was second to last period of the day. The teacher looked honestly surprised that we'd handed something in. More specifically, he'd looked surprised that Mello had handed something in. Thankfully, we ran out of time and didn't have to present until Monday. We wouldn't know what to do if we had presented; we didn't get any practice for presenting our project in at all. Also thanks to Mello.

I got home that day feeling good about Monday and making a note to have Mello practice presenting part of the project. I rode my bike to the nearest store to buy index cards and a couple of other things my mom wanted. I was not expecting to find Mello sitting at my kitchen table when I got back. I glanced at Mello, and then at my mom, confused.

"He stopped by while you were out," my mom explained. "so I told him he could stay here until you got back."

"Why'd you come over?" I directed my attention to Mello, who shrugged.

"Got bored. It's a Friday afternoon and I don't have anything else to do, so..."

I sighed. Before I could say anything else, however, my mom piped up with: "Why don't you two go upstairs to Matt's room? I've got some cleaning up to do."

That was a lie. The house was pretty much spotless. She just wanted us alone. Reluctantly, I lead Mello back upstairs to my room. I flopped down on the bed, Mello just standing there awkwardly.

"You're a real pain in the ass, you know that?" I said. What a nice way to start a conversation.

"Yeah," he replied. "It's not like I've never heard it before."

Something about the tone of his voice was different. He wasn't mischievously grinning and didn't have that crazed look in his eye like he always did. There was definitely something wrong with him.

"What's up with you?" I asked, genuinely confused.

He paused, looking like he was thinking over what he was going to say before he said it.

...There was something _very_ wrong with him.

"...I just feel like I've fucked something up." he decided on saying.

"What, on the project?"

"No, no... with you."

Seriously, my life is like a shitty romance novel.

"Like, I feel like I've fucked up getting you to like me."

I raised an eyebrow, wondering where he was going with this.

"I feel like you hate me- like you can't stand me. I just want you to like me. Just a bit, at least."

He looked like a lost puppy right now. I was going to have to go into damage control mode now, wasn't I?

"Look, Mels," I started with the nickname on purpose. "I don't hate you, I put up with you."

Not sure if that helped at all.

"Well- I mean, I do like you- just a bit though- but I-" Fucking fuck. Perfect wording lost.

"Well maybe you're my first friend here. I guess. However psychotic and madly in love with me a friend can get."

That might not have been the best thing to say, because Mello started grinning again. And I've learned that when he grins like that, it's dangerous. Well at least he wasn't sad. Mello sad just looks fucking depressing.

...Maybe I liked him more than I said I did. Maybe. Maybe I liked the attention a bit more than I let on.

And at that thought I realized my life was _straight_ out of a shitty romance novel.

It's not like I wasn't expecting it. Mello kissed me. And maybe I liked it. Maybe.

He was rough with me, that's for sure. Then, next thing I knew he was on top of me. He pinned me down, panting and red-faced. And I decided that red-faced panting Mello was the best Mello. I learned that Mello enjoyed licking me. I learned that I may have liked it. Just as he was going for my shirt, the door opened.

Fucking fuck on a fuck stick. I desperately needed a lock for that door.

It was my mom, bearing snacks. She just kinda stared at us for a minute, before Mello composed himself, climbed off me, and took the plate. "Ooh, strawberries," he mumbled, eating one and handing another to me.

I just sat there, trying to process what was happening. My mom cleared her throat and said something I couldn't understand, and left, looking very much embarrassed.

Then I realized something. It was freakishly obvious and I had no idea how I'd missed something that up in my face. Mello had faked being that sad puppy just to get a confession out of me.

Ignoring the strawberry, I sat up and looked at Mello. And because of his guilty grin, I knew he knew I'd figured it out.

"You fucking slut!"

**Yum, potty talk. And yes, they do hook up after the end of this. Writing as Matt is always fun for me, because his sarcastic humor just comes so naturally to me. His commentary during that "deep and meaningful" scene was the best. I have the tendency to make these notes really long. So if you've even read my jabbering, you must be Gill. c: I hope you're satisfied. Now review. :D**


	4. Interesting

**Oh hey, it's me again! So I decided I'm gonna try to go for a chapter a day. Gill, this should feed you nice and plenty. It seems reasonable to me, since it doesn't take long to write these and the ideas are ALWAYS THERE no matter where I go or what I'm doing. Sometimes there may even be two a day, who knows? I came up with the idea for this one in the bathroom this morning. Yup. I'm weird. And I suck at titles. So enjoy.**

**Interesting**

"Matt, shut that fucking thing off!"

Matt ignored Mello's command, turning the volume on his DS up. The Mario Kart music and sound effects got even louder, and Mello groaned and reached for his gun.

"If that thing doesn't shut the fuck up, I'm gonna shoot it." he threatened, sick of the repetitive music and noises.

"If you don't like it, you can leave." Matt replied calmly, eyes fixed on the screen.

Mello huffed, reluctantly throwing the gun down. "But there's nothing else to do but watch you!" he complained.

"Stop being such a whiny little bitch and find something to do." Matt visibly flinched as he was hit by a shell, veering his vehicle off course. After recovering, he continued. "Eat a chocolate bar, kick a hobo, throw darts at your Near picture, I don't know. Just stop bitching."

The two sat in silence- well, not exactly, the music was still loud as ever- for about a minute before Mello snapped, deciding to annoy Matt instead.

"Matt," he began, leaning on the redhead's shoulder. There was no reply, and Mello wasn't expecting one. So he continued. "Matty," he tried again. Still no answer. "Maaaaaaaatty-kinz," Mello stressed the "a", poking Matt's cheek to see if he got a reaction.

Matt was surprisingly tolerant today, Mello noted.

"Matty-boy." That nickname reminded him of another one, one that Matt absolutely hated. "Dog," he tried, biting back a smile. Matt twitched, then sighed and kept on playing his game.

"Matthew," At this point, Mello was literally just making these up as he went along. "Jeevas. Mail. Ginger."

Matt hid his annoyance very well, in Mello's opinion. He'd just have to keep trying.

"Hey, Sexy," He thought for sure that Matt was going to snap at that one, but to his disappointment, there was no reaction.

"Mello's bitch," he said, louder. When Matt hadn't done anything but tense up and (at least Mello thought) growled a bit, Mello thought for a moment, then licked Matt's cheek. Mello felt Matt's shoulders tense even more, and he smiled. He blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

"Hey, sex kitten!"

"What?!"

There was another silence.

Mello got up, a victorious smirk spread across his face. "Interesting." he commented. He set out to find a chocolate bar to devour, keeping in mind that Matt had responded to "sex kitten".

Mello was definitely going to use that against him.

**Mello's such an annoying little monster. I love it. And I love you guys, too, 6 reviews in, what, 3 days? (*cough*even though half of them are Gill*cough*) That's more than I get in a month! Thanks all you people who are enjoying this piece of work, and my review whore side is begging you for moar reviews. I'm trying to make it shut up. :|**


	5. Useless

**So I actually had no ideas today. It was certainly unusual. I still really wanted to type something up, so I got this random idea from the urge to write angsty shit added with the song "You're a Useless Child" by Kikuo. Songs usually help with ideas, and when they do, I'll tell you. Just finished this chapter now, and it's 11:37 PM where I am. I'm tired. **

**Useless**

"_You are a useless, useless, useless child, the most useless child in the whole world. You'll never be good enough. You're a pathetic little thing that'd be dead if it wasn't for me."_

_You'll never be good enough._

_You'll never be good enough._

_NEVER._

Mello swallowed, holding his breath as he looked over the latest exam results. He searched the list for his name, hoping to God he'd finally done it. His eyes locked on his name, and then his placement. Mello's heart dropped. He was still at familiar old number two. Under Near. Near was in first. Again.

He wasn't good enough. He'd never be good enough. Never.

It was repeating over and over in Mello's head, on an endless loop.

_You'll never be good enough. You're a useless, useless, useless child._

Involuntarily clenching his fists, Mello felt a wave of dizziness. He was faintly aware of the fact that Matt was standing behind him, sighing and commenting on how he was placed third again. Mello felt sick. He suddenly felt very alone in the crowd of students. He stumbled backwards, right into Matt's shoulder. He saw Matt's concerned expression out of the corner of his eye, and felt him reach for Mello's hand. Matt lead him out of the crowd and to their room. Matt shut the door, sitting Mello down on one of the beds.

"Second again?" he asked, sitting next to the blond.

Mello nodded stiffly, a lump in his throat. The voice was still there, telling Mello he was useless and that he was never going to succeed.

"You'll beat him someday, Mels. Don't get so disappointed." Matt smiled a bit, but Mello shook his head, tears threatening to spill.

"No- no I won't," Mello's voice cracked, and he buried his face in his hands, trying to stop his tears. "I'm useless, and I'll never be good enough."

There was a short pause. "Mello, stop." Matt's voice was sharper, and he placed a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Stop saying that. You're _not_ useless, and you'll _always_ be good enough to me." He pulled Mello in for a hug, and Mello didn't resist.

Matt may have made Mello feel a lot better, but the voice was still there, mocking Mello in a sing-song, fake cheery voice.

"_You're a useless, useless, useless child, the most useless child in the whole world. You'll never be good enough. You're a pathetic little thing that'd be dead if it wasn't for me."_

_You'll never be good enough._

**I can't write about feels. I caaaaaan't. D: I'll let you guys decide who would've said the italicized stuff to Mello, because I honestly don't know who. But I'm really tired, so I hope you enjoyed this piece of crap. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz:3review:3zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zz**


	6. Dead or Alive

**Since it's Halloween and we're about to go out trick of treating, I figured I'd type something up real quick. I'm being Marceline from Adventure Time. Whoop whoop. So enjoy your little Halloween-y chapter.**

**Dead or Alive**

"Rejected again, huh?"

Matt glared in the direction he thought Mello was. "Don't sound like you were expecting it." he snapped, flopping down on his ratty old couch and sighing.

"But I was."

"...Shut up." Matt's voice was muffled by the pillow he'd mashed in his face. He couldn't see Mello, but he heard the hint of amusement in his voice.

"Now I can't see into the future or anything, but damn, that girl was bound to reject you at some point."

"You're not helping."

Mello continued on, ignoring Matt's protests. "I'm not a psychic either, but maybe you're destined to never have a girlfriend."

"Mello, stop."

"Can't imagine why. You're pretty darn hot."

Matt felt his cheeks heat up, and he pulled the pillow closer, hoping Mello couldn't see his blush. "M-mello, seriously."

The amused tone became more noticeable. "If I were alive, I'd totally fuck you."

Matt got up, ready to leave, but he felt a wave of cold air brush across his cheek and down his neck. He paused for a moment before talking. "Mello, you're a ghost. You can't exactly touch me."

A snort, and the cold air disappeared. "Don't remind me."

**Really short, I know. But it's nice, so I like it. Hope you liked it too, and review. c:**


	7. Phobia

**Sorry I turned my one chapter a day rule into one every other day. D: But oh my, how I absolutely LOVE this chapter. This idea came to me when me, Gillian, and another friend Emma were chatting, and I came across this list of top 10 weirdest fears, and then we all started putting up all these weird fears (fear of genitals, fear of virgins, fear of wet dreams for examples) and then BAM. I found the name for the fear of failure. My mind- straight to Mello. This chapter kinda sorta goes along with chapter 2, with Mello's clingy tendencies and all. Sorry to make this note a chapter of its own, so I'll shut up and let you read. **

**Phobia**

Mello didn't like to admit it, but he had many fears. Everybody but Matt thought he was emotionless, a tough wall that nobody could get through to. Mello just didn't like anyone knowing he was actually human. Matt knew though. He knew all Mello's weaknesses, what ticked him off and what made him happy, and all his fears. In fact, he could name them all off the top of his head.

Mello remembered the time he threw his pride away and told Matt all his fears, biting back a laugh after he heard his best friend was apiphobic, or afraid of bees. Matt had just rolled his eyes at Mello's reaction and asked what he was afraid of.

Mello, like everyone else, had his irrational fears, for example, he was insanely pediophobic. (afraid of dolls). He also had coulrophobia, the fear of clowns. Matt had said that much was obvious about Mello, reminding him of that time Wammy took the kids to the circus and Mello had been scared off by a clown offering to make him a balloon animal. Mello was also astraphobic, afraid of thunder and lightning. He was glad he'd told Matt that one, because now he'd be able to climb into Matt's bed during a thunderstorm at night and not be questioned.

Then there were his more serious fears. They were different that hiding from a creepy doll or running from a clown or flinching at every boom of thunder and flash of lightning ran that ran across the sky.

Mello was extremely, wildly, absolutely insanely claustrophobic. He would have a nervous breakdown if he entered a crowd, heart beating wildly and breathing constricted. He'd scramble for the nearest person's hand, or shoulder, or anything he could grab onto for comfort that no, the people weren't going to close in on him and suffocate him. Matt had already noticed this much, also pointing out how Mello would steer clear from elevators, telling Matt he'd rather take the stairs. Matt had always just listened, knowing that if he questioned the blond, bad things would come from it.

Thanatophobia. The fear of death. Mello considered this fear to be the most normal of all of them. Mello didn't want to die. Once he got started, he could wonder about what it would be like, what happens after, and then he'd think, _"What if I just don't exist anymore? What if I just stop altogether, like nothing comes after death?"_ Then he'd think of all the ways he could die, and every time, every single time, he'd come to the conclusion that burning to death would be the absolute worst way to die. Maybe he was a bit pyrophobic. Mello didn't like to imagine what life would be for the people he knew after he was gone. He didn't want to think of how they'd react, God forbid his mind went to Matt.

"When I die, I want to die _with_ Matt. I don't want to think of what he'd be like without me, or what I'd be like without him. It's both of us, or nothing."

Probably Mello's worst fear of all, was his case of eremophobia, the fear of being alone. Mello _hated_ being alone. He'd been alone for the first eleven years of his life, not knowing how to care about someone or the feeling of someone caring about you. When he'd met Matt at the orphanage, Mello almost didn't know what to do. Someone was being nice to him, trying to understand what was going on in his head, trying to be his friend. Matt was Mello's first encounter with the concept of care and love. Matt was the one to dry his tears, make him laugh, put up with what Matt liked to call his "man-period", and Mello didn't want to be away from that. If he was alone, he'd get something like the anxiety attacks he'd get from his claustrophobia, needing Matt back at his side to remind him that he was loved and that he wasn't going to be by himself. Mello admitted to himself that at times, he still didn't know how to respond to the care he got, and yeah, maybe he was an asshole sometimes but Matt knew what he meant, that the punch on the arm really meant "thanks" and the object thrown at him meant "I love you".

Mello often argued to himself about which fear was more extreme, his eremophobia or his kakorrhaphiophobia, the fear of failure. Mello was absolutely terrified of failure. He considered second place a failure. He never was happy with himself, always beating himself up over a measly one point difference between him and Near, getting another one of those dreaded anxiety attacks, freaking out and crying and sometimes getting nightmares from the thought of it. Failure. Back at Wammy's, he knew it was just school, he knew it was okay to fail sometimes, but the little voice in the back of his mind kept telling him that if this were the real world, and he was L, off fighting criminals around the world, one failure could mean his death. That fear lead to another fear, his fear of death, which made him think of what it would be like to be alone, bringing him back to his eremophobia. It was all one big circle.

Now, this wasn't Wammy's. This was real world shit. This was Kira. One bad move and he'd be done for. Around came his kakorrhaphiophobia, and he bit his lip, mind wandering to switch to worry about his thanatophobia, and he began to feel a bit claustrophobic in the small crowd of people walking down the sidewalk. Then his eremophobia came around to bite him in the ass and he snuck a panicked look at Matt, who was walking next to him. Matt noticed, and reached for Mello's clenched fist for comfort. Mello scrambled to get a firm hold on the redhead's hand, his other hand reaching up to gingerly touch his burn scar. He recalled his thirteen year old mind thinking about how burning to death would be the worst, and he almost laughed. If only he'd known.

"_I'm gonna die." _Said the little voice in the back of his head. _"__I know I will." _He chewed on his irritated lip harder, and thought to himself, _"__If I do, and that's an IF, it'll be with Matt."_

"_Right?"_

Mello gripped Matt's hand tighter, breathing shaky as his cycle of phobias started up again.

**I'd really like reviews on this chapter, I wanna know what you guys think of it. P.S, Gill, Emma, I love you both. We're all married here, so it isn't awkward ;D Hope you liked it!**


	8. Faithful Little Dog

**Oh heyyyyyyy theeeere! I'm back with another chapter! So this one was written by Gillian, that one girl who's been mentioned pretty much every chapter. She basically took my characterization of Mello and made it tie into her characterization of Matt. It's pretty darn cute. And also, bug hugs and thanks to the guest reviewer TheLordN. Your reviews make me smile. :D (AND DAT POKEMON X AND Y JOKE)**

**Faithful Little Dog**

The redhead sighed as he lied down on the bed, creaking slightly under his weight. Mello had gone out to get some chocolate, leaving Matt all alone. What a rare sight. Mello was almost never seen without his redheaded companion, and vice versa. Matt, being the lazy person he is, didn't feel like going with Mello this time. Matt knew that Mello would come back soon, of course. Why Matt was already beginning to feel lonely, he had no idea. He shouldn't feel this way, since he knew that Mello would only be gone for a short time. But why was he feeling like this?

As much as the redhead hated to admit it, he would be absolutely nothing without Mello. Matt would constantly be verbally, physically, and sometimes, sexually, harassed and teased by a certain leather-wearing chocoholic. That much is true. Still, Matt loved the blond very dearly. Why? Because Mello was the very first person Matt could call "friend". Mello and Matt met each other at a very young age, and the pair was inseparable since then.

Loneliness. Matt knew the pain of loneliness very well. Up until about age eleven, Matt was alone. He was the person you would see in the corner of a room full of people, green eyes darting around, wary of everyone and everything. As Matt was beginning to lose hope, a person who knew of the same pain walked into his life. Mello. Matt, who hid his pain behind video games and silence, recognized that Mello was hiding the same pain. The only difference was that Mello hid his pain behind humor. Matt noticed the little things, like a cracked voice, or a broken smile. He kept quiet about it, for he didn't want Mello to get mad leave his side. Sometimes Matt would hear a sob from the other room, and he would always go to comfort Mello. Matt knew Mello had his weak side, and Mello knew that Matt had his own weak side. The two would always stick by each other, just to make sure that the other one didn't need to feel loneliness anymore.

Another thing that Matt had a hard time admitting was that he was scared of losing Mello. He didn't want Mello to leave him, to feel the pain of loneliness all over again. He hated this weakness of his, this fear. He hated it just as much as Mello hated Near, which is a lot. Matt was a bit happy, though, when he found out that Mello had the same fear. Sometimes, Mello would cling to his arm for absolutely no reason. Matt remembered that Mello had once said something like 'Don't leave me,' when he was going into the other room for his cigarettes. Matt did feel a bit guilty about being happy, but he couldn't help it. Knowing that Mello needed him just as much as he needed Mello really made him happy.

Matt was often compared to a dog. Mello always liked to compare Matt to a dog, but that wasn't what annoyed Matt. What annoyed Matt was that it was true. Oh so very true. Matt was extremely loyal to Mello, and would basically do everything he said. Not everything, but almost everything. When Matt did something that Mello would ask him to do, he'd sometimes receive a pat on the head. This annoyed Matt too, but secretly, he liked being patted on the head. Matt also always followed Mello around, never straying too far from his side. This was all because Matt didn't want Mello to leave him, which now that Matt reflected on it, was a tiny bit selfish.

On the inside, Matt knew he was a dog. He only had one person who he would obey and that person was Mello. He loved this person unconditionally and would always stay by his side. Matt realized this, and he wasn't really bothered about it. Matt was Mello's faithful little dog, after all.

Matt perked up once he heard the door close. He lifted his head, listening intently for any more signs that his best friend had come back from his trip. Once he heard a quiet "...Matt?" he bolted upright and raced into the other room where he tackle-hugged the blond.

Mello, who was already used to this kind of behavior, only grinned and said, "Seems like someone missed me..." The redhead didn't respond, just hugged his friend even tighter.

Softly, almost silently, Matt said "Woof." If Mello heard or not, Matt didn't know.

**Yeah, so that was Gill's work of art. Review and tell her what you liked, what you hated, or just to say hi. I don't care. I'm trying to make Gill a review whore like myself. c:**


	9. Ninja and Cat

**Hey guys, it's- WAIT. SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE. TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY?! WHAT IS GOING ON ASDFGHJKL- Yeah. I had free time. Well, not really. I should be working on a project that's due tomorrow that I haven't even started BUUUUT, I don't wanna do it. So I wrote. This is a Halloween fic that I've had in mind since before Halloween. I just never wrote it down. Thanks for 21 reviews, guys WOAH I FEEL LOVED! Enjoy the chapter. o3o BTW this chapter takes place in Wammy's, maybe when Matt and Mello are 13-ish.**

**Ninja and Cat**

Mello scratched his chin, flipping through the pages of the Halloween magazine. He and Matt were looking for a good costume for the redhead to wear. One that didn't "clash horribly with his hair", as Mello liked to put it. Matt sat next to him, looking bored, head in his hands.

"Have you found the perfect costume, Miss Fashion Diva?" Matt grumbled, shifting in his seat and sighing, his bangs fluttering.

"No, Matty-kinz," Mello replied cheerily. "And if you keep complaining, I won't help you at all."

Matt groaned. "_Mellooooo_," he drew out the name, long and over-dramatic. "It's not like I need your help anyways, I already know what I wanna be for Halloween!"

"And what is that?" Mello asked absentmindedly, not really paying attention to his bored to death friend.

"I wanna be Mario!"

Mello lifted his head, giving Matt a look. He rolled his eyes, and then shook his head, turning back to the magazine. "We already went over this. The Mario costume has red. Red that _doesn't_ match with your hair. Plus, it's way too expensive."

"Who cares if it doesn't match with my hair?!"

"I do. As much as I love your beautiful hair, Matty, it's a pain to find things that match with it." Mello reached out to tousle Matt's hair, without looking up from the magazine.

As Matt batted Mello's hand away, smoothing down his hair, he muttered under his breath, "friggin' diva..."

"What was that?" Mello asked sweetly, but before Matt could get himself out of trouble, Mello's eyes lit up and he pointed at a costume. Matt peeked over the blond's shoulder, face falling.

"No." he shook his head, crossing his arms and backing away from the magazine page.

The costume in question was a cat costume, one with too much pink and fur for Matt's liking. To make matters worse, it was a skimpy _girl's_ costume, featured one of those slutty girl models Matt always found in Mello's _other_ magazines.

"But you'll look so adorable!"

"I don't wanna look adorable. Besides, it's a costume for girls. Older girls. Which I am neither of."

"Hey look, they have smaller sizes. Plus, it's cheaper than the Mario one!"

"Mello. No. You can wear it if you like it so much. I am not."

Mello pouted. "But I already have a costume."

"Well what are you being?"

"A ninja."

Matt frowned. "A ninja and a cat? Those don't go together at all!"

"Well neither does Mario and a ninja." Mello mumbled.

"You just want me in a slutty cat costume!"

"It matches with your hair..."

"Stop it! Stop imagining me in that cat costume!"

A small smile formed on Mello's lips. "It even comes with a tail..."

"_Mello_..."

"Yes?"

"Stop being gay."

Mello grinned, grabbing a pen and circling the cat costume. "There. We're getting that one."

"I'm not wearing it."

"Yes you are."

"No, and you can't make me."

An amused look. "I can make you do anything."

Matt scoffed. "No you can't."

Mello simply gave Matt another one of those looks, leaning forward in his seat until he was only centimeters away from the redhead. Matt felt his cheeks heat up, and he backed up a bit.

"We're getting the cat costume." Mello commanded. "and you're going to wear it." Mello then tipped his head to the side, leaning forward a bit more to softly kiss Matt. The other boy whimpered, face bright red when Mello sat back in his chair.

"Hey look," he pointed out, victorious smirk on his face. "your face matches your hair." Mello giggled innocently, ripping out and folding the page with the cat costume to put in his pocket. He winked, then pranced off to get a chocolate bar, leaving a dazed Matt behind him.

**Mello. Y u so fun to write. *A* He's such a little diva and I love it. Matty's SO uke. Anyways, hope you liked it, and review to scold me for procrastination. And also to tell me how much you loved/hated this chapter. c:**


	10. Pants, Mello, and Hot Pink Underwear

**ASDFGHJKL I'm sorry for not updating in forever. I've been doing things. I was at my grandma's house over the weekend, the computer was super slow, my laptop broke again, and I'm pretty sure I failed that test we had today due to lack of studying and me trying to think of story ideas. Oh well. Here's a short chapter for you. I promise another one will be up today though.**

**Matt on Pants, Mello, and Hot Pink Underwear**

If you've ever looked in Mello's closet, you'd think it was the closet of some slutty teenage girl. Tight ass skinny ass clothes everywhere. The thing practically screams "prostitution". I mean, he shops in the _women's_ section for his skinny jeans. Obviously guy's skinny jeans aren't tight enough for him. And he likes to call me a dirty slut for wearing "skinny jeans".

First, I don't wear the skinniest they have. I like my jeans skinny, but only enough to fit in my boots, not skinny enough to the point where it looks really gay. Unlike Mello.

He should just wake up as a girl one morning. His eternal PMS would make sense, he wouldn't look like a transvestite, no one would be so confused about what gender he is.

...And it wouldn't be weird if I kissed him.

_Anyways_, if anyone's the dirty slut here, it's Mello. He sluts around even when no one's there to notice. Like that one time when it was really hot and he thought it'd be okay to sleep in next to nothing. "Next to nothing" being my favorite striped shirt.

Which was really big on him and hanging off one shoulder- Ahem. I never did find out if he was wearing anything under the shirt.

...It's not like I was staring at him or anything. That'd be weird.

Then there was that other time when he actually wore a pair of his jeans instead of his leather. And Mello only buys low-rise jeans. So he dropped the TV remote behind the couch and had to crawl under there to find it... I saw his underwear. It was hot pink.

I never thought hot pink would look that good on a guy.

Mello also enjoys flirting with me. I'm not special or anything, he flirts with anything that breathes. But I don't like it. I don't know what he's trying to do, I mean, I don't like him like _that_...

...Shit.

Maybe I kinda do like him like that.

**Meh, I'm not a huge fan of this chapter. I'll work harder on the next one. By the way, I got Mello boots over the weekend. *cough*TRYING TO MAKE GILL MORE JEALOUS*cough* c: Found them at Macy's for like, 50 bucks. I loves them. Nyahaha. Reviews plz.**


	11. Hero

**Hey, I promised you another chapter, so another chapter it is! I really like this one. It's more focused on Mello (again) but there's a bit of Matt here and there, so don't worry. I just came back from getting a flu shot, ugh. But I have a badass Snoopy band-aid, so it's all good. Anyways, I got this idea from something we did in Language Arts today, we actually had the seven qualities of a hero and we're reading Greek myths SOOOOO... I applied them to Mello. And one more thing before I start, I wanna start replying to my reviewers, but most of them are guests, so I'll do it here. :P**

**mimsty: Thanks for the love XD Hope you find this one cute-ish too! c:**

**I'm not jealous: Yep, three guesses who that is. Hey Gill. The most jealous person on earth bcuz of mah sexy Mello boots. It's okay. If they fit you, I'll let you try them on. Maybe. c:**

**Anon: Thanks for your reviews all the way through. :D You deserve a hug. No homo though. XD**

**TheLordN: asdfghjkl I still love your reviews and your criticism and your everything. And you were very very close, I wear an 8. I bet that won't stop you though. BUT, I was looking at my review page, and it seems your review came up under my account. Maybe it's just my laptop spazzing or FFN spazzing but my email says it's clearly a guest review. Oh well. Hopefully it straightens itself out. c:**

**Sorry for putting you guys through this, just read now. Enjoy!**

**Hero**

Mello lay awake in his bed, staring up at the dark ceiling. He could hear nothing but Matt's steady breathing next to him, the occasional soft snore breaking Mello's concentration towards the ceiling. Under the blankets, the blond felt around for his best friend's hand, gripping it tightly when he found it. Since it was late at night and Mello had nothing else to do, his brain decided to be mean to him and worry.

He and Matt could die. If they went through with what Mello was planning, there was a very high chance they could die. 'If it stops Kira though,' Mello thought to himself, 'then I'll be tough and just do it.' At that moment, he remembered something from his Language Arts class back at Wammy's. When they were reading Greek myths, they had learned the seven qualities of a hero. The kids had to memorize all seven and then there was a test on them and the myths they had read.

_"Does anyone know an example of a modern day hero?" the teacher had asked. Mello raised his hand, confident in his answer._

_"L?" he tried._

_"Yes, L has all of these qualities. He is a real hero."_

After all these years, Mello still remembered all seven qualities of a hero. According to Mello's teacher, a hero had to be courageous, skilled, sacrificial, destined, wounded, flawed, and redeemable.

Mello smiled to himself at the memory, about how he used to grin in admiration every time L was mentioned and dream about how one day he'd beat Near and L's title would be his. He'd be the new hero, with all those qualities he'd learned in Language Arts.

Now, he thought to himself that since he was older, he knew how silly and childish that crazed admiration of L was, and that he could be a hero without having to be L.

He was very courageous, at least more than Matt, that is. Mello wasn't sure if stealing chocolate from the kitchens at Wammy's in the middle of the night counted as being courageous, however. But he had stood up the Kira, the Japanese police, the American police, the mafia, and Matt. And standing up to Matt took lots of courage. Mello checked off that quality, and moved on to the next one.

Mello must have been skilled, or why else would he have been accepted to Wammy's? He was extremely sneaky too, as well as being persuasive and smart. He was quite skilled with a gun, planning ahead, and reading people's feelings and knowing what they were going to do next, although his biggest weakness was math. His math grades were his lowest out of all his grades during school, sometimes even Matt would get higher grades than him. Mello decided his math grades didn't count, and "skilled" was also checked off.

Sacrificial. Mello paused at this one, not really wanting to think of sacrifices. He swallowed and held Matt's hand tighter, figuring that if he was willing to go through with his plan, then that made him sacrificial, and that was all he was going think about. It definitely wasn't going to help him sleep.

So the blond brought his thoughts to the next quality, destined. Mello figured that since he was second place to be the next L, he really was destined to be a hero. That quality was an easy one to get out of the way.

Next was wounded. Smiling a bit and reaching up to touch his burn scar with his free hand, Mello decided this one was even easier and that his burn scar definitely counted. Even if that wasn't what the teacher had meant by wounded. But then again, Mello had experienced both his parent's deaths, life in the mafia, and having to constantly put his life on the line because of Kira. If Mell's teacher had meant the kind of wounded that wasn't physical, then that would count too.

Flawed was also easy. Mello was certainly flawed. He hadn't been able to pass Near, he had his crazy fears, and he was a regular person with regular flaws. Heros were not perfect. Nobody was. So Mello put that quality away and started on the last one.

Redeemable. Forgiven and able to carry on no matter what kind of sin or crime he committed. Mello really wasn't sure about this one. He'd done his fair share of bad things, like steal from Roger and helped Matt cheat on that one test, but he was young and those weren't sins or crimes, technically. However, he had done worse. Broken hearts, crushed feelings, lied to many, used and manipulated them, stolen, abused, kidnapped, and even killed some people. Mello wasn't sure if he was redeemable. But six out of seven still worked, right?

Maybe Mello was a hero, just not a hero like L or Hercules. He was the type of hero that didn't take orders and did what he needed to do, not stopping because it was bad or was frowned upon. He did what he needed to do to set things right. He wasn't exactly justice, but he wasn't exactly evil either.

And then, Mello felt as if Kira thought he was this type of hero too. His sleepy eyes widened as he suddenly understood. He understood Kira's thought process. He knew how Kira's mind worked. Kira was wrong. He wasn't that type of hero. He wasn't a hero at all. He only had a sick, twisted view of what justice should be. Mello scoffed to himself at how big-headed and conceited Kira was. He thought he was hot stuff, didn't he? Thought he was "destined to change the world". The chosen one. He was just scum.

Mello suddenly decided he wasn't competing against just Near, he was competing with Kira as well. He was going to prove that the only one of them that was that type of hero was him. Not Kira.

And as he snuggled into Matt's back, satisfied, he thought that, as Matt would say, "he would prove it even if it required a double K.O."

**LOLOLOLOL my Pokémon joke. Ok, I'm gonna make this end note short, because I definitely said WAY too much up there. Reviews are very much welcomed, so are favorites and follows, hope you enjoyed and I'll see you in the next chapter! :D**


	12. A Helping Hand

**Hey. I didn't know what to write for a new chapter (omg that like, never happens). So, it's 1 AM on a school night and my math homework isn't finished. What to do? WRITE OF COURSE! (i am a terrible influence) This is an old idea from forever ago that I'd thought of and then tried to write. It ended up coming out like a terribly written creepypasta. And OMG those kinds make you wanna scratch your eyes out. (until they start bleeding scarlet red blood and demonic voices start whispering and pentagrams are everywhere) So I rewrote it. In an hour. Holy shit I am amazing. 2,0000 words out for you guys in an hour. I really could have like, 10 chapters a day. I really like this.**

**Omg I almost forgot. The idea was that since we don't have much background info on Matt, everyone assumes he and Mello were besties and luvahs and shit. I haven't read a fic where they're enemies though. So I wrote it. Yeah. Matt and Mello hate each other. Fangirls can go cry. c: (now does it sound familiar gill)And the fucking title, man. I think I thought of it because Growlithe was spamming it in battle even though it kept failing because there was no one to help it and so I caught it and named it Mello and it only knows one damage inflicting move and I'm pissed so- I. Don't. Do. Titles. Especially when it's 1:30 and I just wanna sleep but I can't because Green x Red is running around through my brain. There's also a faint hint of Mello x Near in thsi chapter, but don't kill me cuz it's only implied. ^-^ I think I've bored you to death enough, so read this amazingness and review when you're done. Meow.**

**A Helping Hand**

_The redhead stared up at the blond, who was sporting a wide victorious smirk. His vision was blurred, half by his bruising right eye and half from the involuntary tears leaking out of both. He reached out for the GameBoy the blond held above his head, but his action was in vain, as he received a smack on the hand. The blond pushed the redhead down with his foot, letting out a small laugh at the latter's struggle._

_"Matty, how much did this stupid thing cost?" he asked, studying the GameBoy in question._

_"It's not stupid," Matt muttered. "And I got it for Christmas! Now give it back Mello!"_

_Mello snorted, tossing the GameBoy aside at the wall. Matt winced as he heard the crack of the plastic as it smacked the wall, hoping that after this was all over, his precious console would escape relatively unharmed so he could hide away under his bed like he always did and play his favorite games._

_"You didn't say please," Mello smirked, pushing Matt down violently when he attempted to sit up to retrieve his GameBoy. "And little boys with no manners don't get what they want."_

_Matt twitched with anger, fighting the urge to kick Mello. Instead, he did something far worse. "I guess that makes sense," he blurted. "considering you have no manners. If you did, maybe you would beat Near; that's what you want, right? And little boys with no manners don't get what they want."_

_Matt instantly regretted what he said. When he saw Mello's eyes narrow dangerously and heard the small snarl, he knew he'd struck a nerve. Matt's remark earned himself a swift punch to the jaw, knocking his head back into the floor._

_"You little asshole!" Mello spat, kicking Matt in the ribs. He continued this abuse until Matt defensively curled himself into a ball, breathing uneven, and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. At this, Mello smiled, spitting on the other boy and leaving him in the empty bathroom for somebody else to find._

Matt had the strange feeling he was being watched. Pulling his vest higher up to cover his mouth, he quickly looked over his shoulder. Nobody but that weird guy with the big coat. Paranoia crept up Matt's spine, and he quickened his pace. He just wanted to get home to his shitty apartment, do some hacking, smoke a couple cigarettes, and maybe find some time to beat that video game he'd been struggling with.

He swore to himself as he approached the alleyway shortcut leading to the apartment building. He could've walked the full way to his apartment, but it was getting late and that freaky dude with the furry hooded coat was still behind him. He paused, hoping the man would walk past him and leave him be. He saw out of the corner of his eyes how the man's stride faltered, and how his hand went to his pocket. Matt was now 84% sure this stalker was out to get him.

'Fuck, what am I doing?' he thought to himself. 'Go ahead and take the dark creepy alleyway! Prepare your ass Matty, you're gonna get raped."

Breath quick and shallow, Matt watched the man walk right past him. Shutting his eyes and letting out a deep breath, the redhead shook his head and started down the alleyway. Maybe he wasn't going to get mugged and possibly molested tonight. Everything was fucking peachy. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Matt continued down the alleyway, when suddenly, someone grabbed him from behind and covered his mouth to keep him from yelling. In an attempt to catch a glimpse of his attacker, Matt spotted a long black coat with fur on the inside. Shit. He was most likely screwed, with his hands in his pockets and his trusty pepper spray accidentally left at home.

Matt's fears intensified when he felt something being pressed into his side; he guessed it was a gun. He was most definitely screwed.

The attacker then spoke, voice low. "It was a lot easier than expected to trick you. I guessed your defenses would have at least gotten a little better." Where had Matt heard this voice before? Why was it so familiar? He racked his brain for a name. The attacker spoke again. "It's been a long time, Mail."

Realization smacked Matt and he immediately struggled to escape his newly identified attacker's grip. Who else would know Matt's real name? And to make things even more obvious, right before he had said that, Matt had caught sight of a lock of blond hair resting on his shoulder.

"Shhh, calm down, I'm not gonna hurt you!" Mello released Matt, pulling down his hood to reveal his face and pointing the gun at Matt's head. When Matt motioned to the gun, Mello rolled his eyes. "But if you run, I'm gonna put a bullet in your foot." he amended.

Matt tried to catch his breath, studying Mello's current state. He hadn't seen the blond in a good seven years. Matt couldn't help but smile a bit at the worn down and tired look on his former enemy's face. He was surprised to see "Mr. Nothing But Baggy Black Emo Clothes" now decked out in tight, slutty, leather. His hair, which he had cared so much about back at Wammy's, was now down to his shoulders, messy from the hood he had been wearing, and scraggly like he hadn't taken a shower in weeks. It was also hard not to notice the ginormous burn scar running down the left side of his face. Matt, like any other normal person, wondered just what the fuck had happened to him.

"Wow," he said, amused. "You really let yourself go since Wammy's, didn't you?"

Mello's lip twitched, though he smiled a bit. No, more like a grimace. "Kira's been a bitch, y'know?"

"So what're you doing nowadays?" Matt asked, feigning friendliness. When Mello opened his mouth to speak, Matt cut him off. "No, no, lemme guess... prostitution?"

Mello gave Matt a bored look, lowering the gun's point. "Ha ha, you're so funny. No seriously, I'll fucking shoot you in the junk." Satisfied with Matt's unnerved reaction, but keeping the gun at its point, Mello continued. "I'm not a prostitute, I'm in the mafia."

"As a sex toy or some shit like that?" Matt tried again. Mello cocked the gun, finger at the trigger. Matt jumped, holding his hands up in surrender. "Ok, ok! I get it! I'll stop! I like my balls where they are, thank you very much."

Mello lowered the gun, smirking. "Good. To answer your question, I'm only using the mafia to stop Kira, plus I pretty much own the mafia; nobody wants to mess with me. I'm a busy man."

"Quick question," Matt began. "Why are you even here?" Mello chuckled, then opened up his coat to put the gun away. Matt was about to point out the fact that Mello's jacket had no pockets, but stopped when he saw the blond shove the gun into the front of his pants. Raising an eyebrow, but not saying anything, Matt shifted uncomfortably.

"Excellent question, Matty-kinz," Mello smiled and advanced towards Matt, who bit his lip and backed away. He soon hit the brick wall of a building, feeling like vulnerable and cornered. "I need your help."

That sentence snapped Matt out of his worries. "Hold on, what?"

"I said, I need your help, you deaf?"

"Ok, last time I checked, we hated each other's guts. Why the absolute fuck would you even consider asking for my help?"

"Here's why," Mello began, getting even closer and sandwiching Matt between him and the wall. Matt felt his eyes widen and he attempted to back up further, meeting nothing but the hard brick wall.

Mello smirked at Matt's reaction, and continued to talk. "I have a plan to help bring Kira down, and it's kinda risky. Now before you say anything, I know you hate me like mad, but all the mafia members are fuckin' cowards and I have no use for them, and everybody at Wammy's are either too young, or want absolutely nothing to do with me. I can't just pick a random Anti-Kira supporter off the streets, I need somebody smart and who I could trust. To make your help even more inevitable, as you can see by this "you backed into the wall" stunt, I'm pretty damn persuasive and intimidating to you, so I know even if we argue for a while, you're gonna say yes in the end."

Matt cursed under his breath at how easy Mello could read him, then took a deep breath. "I'm honored." he said flatly. "But even if you've got this whole plan to make me agree with you, you can't just waltz over here and expect me to suddenly love you after all those years of you making my life a living hell."

Mello only raised an eyebrow. "I never expected you to suddenly love me. I expected just what you're doing right now. And resistance is futile." he said with a small laugh. "I've got tons of arguments planned for whatever excuse you pull out of your ass. You might as well just give in now."

Silence. Matt sighed. "What exactly is this plan?"

"It's still in the making. But it does involve kidnapping someone very important with lots of bodyguards." Mello shrugged like kidnapping people was something he did every day. Matt banished the disbelief and guessed that probably was true.

"How the fuck is that supposed to get to Kira? You can't possibly want us to be up as criminals and then have Kira kill us, that's like suicide!"

"We're kidnapping someone close to Kira. Plus, he can't kill us, we have aliases, remember?"

"How does our fake names stop Kira from murdering us?"

A look of realization washed over Mello's face, and he shook his head. "Whoops, I forgot you don't know about this. The police didn't let this one out to the public. We got a hold of Kira's murder weapon, a book that kills if you write someone's name in it and have their face pictured in your head. If he doesn't know our real name, he can't kill us."

Matt looked dumbfounded. "A book?" he asked. "Kira kills with a book?" He shook his head. "You're totally screwing with me."

"No, asshole, I'm not! I got a hold of it myself, it's fucking real!"

"Ok, if you say so, but why exactly are we kidnapping someone 'close to Kira?'"

Mello smirked, a habit that Matt knew all too well. "We're using her as bait. Kira's using her as a way to kill criminals, and Near says he's got one of his men trailing another dude close to Kira, so-"

Matt cut off the blond with a snort. "Near? You're working with Near?"

"No. Even I wouldn't stoop that low. We're..." he trailed off, trying to find another way to explain what was going on between him and Near. "...helping each other."

"You two fucked yet?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

Mello's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Anyways..." he carried on, shooting daggers at Matt to the point where Matt wanted to sink into the brick wall behind him. "Kira most likely uses that dude to do his evil bidding to take all the attention off himself, since Near and I both suspect Kira is the new L-"

"Wait, new L?" Matt interrupted, confused. "What happened to the old one?"

"Son of a fucking bitch," Mello muttered under his breath. "You mean they never fucking told you?!"

"Told me what? After you left, I left too." Before Mello could ask why, Matt answered the question for him. "I had my reasons."

"L's dead. Kira killed him." Mello explained, saying the words like it was normal to say them. Matt saw him swallow, though, and saw the uncomfortable shift of his shoulders.

Feeling awkward, Matt broke the silence. "So... the new L's supposed to be Kira?"

"Yeah, and even Kira would dispose of his followers if the situation was dire. So we're gonna kidnap the girl, and hopefully the dude will be a good little Kira servant and kill her off, with Near's guy to see it. Near said he'd work his magic from there."

"...And you're just gonna let him?" Matt asked, doubting Mello would ever let Near be in charge.

"Well, this isn't Wammy's anymore Matt. No more childish competition and rivalry. This is real shit. I'm putting my fucking life on the line to stop Kira, do you think I have time to compete against Near? Let's face it, Near's smart, I'm smart, we work alongside each other, shit gets done. Sure, it may be a bit of a game to me, and I may be the most stubborn asshole in the world, but L's dead and Kira thinks he's hot shit. If we wanna wipe that smug-ass confidence off that son of a bitch's face, we gotta outsmart him. If working with Near means we trick him and get revenge for killing L, then I don't care what I have to do. I've used the mafia, the president, the Japanese police, and Near. And now I'm gonna use you. So yeah, I am just gonna let him."

He paused, running a hand through his hair and looking away. His voice lowered, cracking a bit. "Plus, Near says there's a really big chance I could die. I don't have any other choice."

Matt bit his lip. "...He's using you too."

"I know, I'm his fucking finger puppet!" Mello snapped, looking back up to glare at the redhead again. "And it kills my fucking pride to know he's got me sitting on his white ass finger, ready to use me and flick me away when he's done. I fucking hate it! But I suck it the fuck up, and I go along with it. Why? Because he's right. He's always right. Besides, I'm gonna die sometime anyways, I really don't care. If my death means Kira goes down, I don't give two shits if Near gets the credit. He always did anyways, it's not like anything's gonna change."

"You could do this all by yourself. Why do you need me?" Matt asked again.

"There's a couple reasons, actually." Mello started, taking a deep breath and regaining his cool. "First, I need someone to distract the bodyguards."

Oh duh. Matt mentally facepalmed.

"Second..." Mello stopped suddenly, looking down at his boots and backing up to give Matt some space like he'd just noticed he'd had the poor guy up against the wall. Matt wasn't sure because Mello's hair was in the way, but was he blushing a bit?

"Second, I don't like working alone." he finished, not looking up.

"...But don't you hate help?" Matt asked. Mello was way too confusing.

"No, not for help. Just- being alone. I hate it. For company. Y'know. Maybe some help here and there, but- cause I don't like being alone." Mello scratched his head, finally looking up, and Matt confirmed his suspicion. Mello was definitely blushing.

Matt smiled a bit. "So the great and powerful Mello does have a weakness?"

"Sh-shut up!" Mello yelled, punching Matt in the arm rather hard.

As Matt nursed his poor arm, he realized Mello wasn't finished. "And- and I guess I've always kinda liked you."

Matt wasn't too surprised by this. "Well you had a fucked up way of showing it." he muttered.

"I only like you because you're weaker than me and it makes me feel stronger!" he said, too quickly. It sounded pretty suspicious.

"You sure it wasn't because you're captivated by my amazing good looks?" Matt teased, and shut his mouth when Mello growled. To Matt's pleasure, Mello's blush darkened, and he mumbled something under his breath. "What was that?" Matt asked leaning closer and inwardly laughing when he saw Mello's eyes widen and his twitch. "I didn't hear that."

Mello shot his foot out and kicked Matt in the shin, snorting and laughing when Matt yelped and immediately shot back, holding his leg.

"Maybe I do think you're kinda hot." he spat, crossing his arms. "You sure did grow up nice and handsome."

"Always knew you were gay-" Matt gritted out, still wincing from his throbbing leg.

At that comment, Mello glared and opened his mouth to say something, then snarled and yanked on Matt's hair. "You fucking bitch-fuck!" he yelled, grabbing Matt by the collar of his vest and pulled his up to his feet, ignoring the obvious height difference between them. Mello cursed at how tall Matt had gotten, but still acted intimidating.

"You're definitely my bitch now." Mello said, face centimeters away from Matt's. "You have absolutely no choice." Mello then shoved Matt back at the wall, trapping him again and kissing the poor, confused redhead with all the hatred he could muster.

**Dat ending tho. There should be a second chapter. Gill, TheLordN, Anon, all of mah other regular reviewers, tell me if you want another. I think there should be another one. I am so surprised that I had like, no grammar mistakes in this one. I think I write better when I'm tired. Hm. But holy shit that beginning note. I tend to ramble when I'm tired. I also tend to cuss more. Dear Lord I am sorry for all that. Anyways, tell me if you loved it, hated it, wanted to marry it and fuck it and have little Mello/Matt babies all over the place. Shit, this one's turning long too (that's what she said). Yeah. I'm going to bed. **


	13. Stereotypical

**Ok, prepare yourselves for 12 hour-long explanation.**

**So. I haven't updated in a while, have I? Heh heh, yeah, about that... I bet you all thought I died. Well here's what's been going on. Obviously school's been a pain, my parents aren't exactly helping (in fact they've been stressing me out more), and I've been super lazy. I know, I didn't write anything for Mello's birthday yesterday, and I'm really pissed at myself for not doing anything, but there's a very good reason for this. Firstly, my little sister got off leukemia treatment for good yesterday, so went out to eat at this restaurant with all this yummy Asian food. (NOTE: You should never put a huge glob of wasabi on your tongue and see how long you can last. I speak from experience.) That took time. But there's another reason too. This one also explains why I haven't been posting at all. You see, every couple of months or so, I go into this phase where the creative part of my brain shuts down. It's kinda like when a girl gets her period, except worse and longer. Yeah, so it's not fun. Sometimes it's not long, other times it can be a couple of months. This time, it lasted for a whole friggin month. During this phase, everything I write or draw looks like complete and utter crap to me, and you don't know how many times I've attempted to write during this particular one, and then deleted the whole thing because it was just bad. So I've been trying, guys. I better get an A for effort. Yeah, so that happened. But there's one last thing. Homestuck. *facedesks repeatedly* While I was... uncreative, I saw all this Homestuck shit all over the internet, and I'm just like "I've heard so much about this, I wanna check out just exactly what the hell it is!" And then I look it up. And start reading. And three hours later, I'm still reading. THAT THING IS STRANGELY ADDICTING AND LITERALLY I HAVE A TAB OF THE PAGE I'M ON UP RIGHT NOW. I would seriously drop everything I was doing and go read it. Not even kidding. That kept me away from Matt and Mello for a while.**

**I wanna start writing Homestuck fanfics, but I'm afraid of another one of my bad habits. Once i get into a new fandom and start writing fanfics, the previous fandom kinda gets pushed away. It's like John's sylladex. If you put something new in, the thing before it gets pushed out and you don't have it equipped anymore and god dammit I'm already making Homestuck references somebody shoot me. Yeah, so that terrible thing happened to poor Dragon Ball Z, and as I still LOVE the anime and manga, I kinda dropped the idea of fanfics for it when I got into Death Note. And seeing as Matt/Mello is something I really enjoy writing and something you guys apparently love reading from me, I'd be terrified to wake up one morning and find my head filled with all Homestuck and not one bit of Death Note. It's already happened once to a fandom I love, and I really don't want it happening again. I'd absolutely HATE to see this story just get dropped altogether and I bet you guys would too. I mean, Gill would murder me if that happened. So, on that depressing note, let's stop my rambling and I'll explain how I miraculously got the idea for this chapter.**

**So this morning, I was browsing through all the Matt/Mello stories and groaning about how "all these authors are better than me" and "I'll never write anything good like this again", and then BAM. My mind decided to stop its hibernation and it said, "Hey Alexa, have you ever noticed the majority of Matt/Mello stories start with the two of them sitting around and Matt playing video games and Mello whining about chocolate?" No seriously, they do. I mean, look around. There's a shit ton of that. Like, at the beginning of almost every other story. I'm not trying to point things out like "OH THAT'S BAD WRITING", because I've done that plenty of times too, plenty of times. more than twice. So then my brain said, "Hey Alexa, stop being a bitch and write something!" And I sat up in my bed, put on my glasses and try hard face, and wrote. (omg dat crack tho) Hope you guys are happy. Oh, and something else, I GOT A NEW LAPTOP! :D No more crappy PowerBook G4 from like, 2006! (seriously. that was my laptop.) Say hello to Mr. Acer Aspire One! With Windows 8 and a touch screen bitches! Ok, now you can enjoy.**

**Stereotypical**

It was another one of those days again. One of those days where Matt and Mello had nothing to do at all. Now, let's just assume that this is an AU, because, let's be honest here. Did these two really have any time to be sitting around while Kira was off prancing around killing people with his wimpy little book and stupid pencil flares? Of course not.

Anyways, on this very unrealistic and AU day, Mello was- wait a second. This isn't right. ...This isn't how it usually goes...

Mello was lounging on the couch on his stomach in nothing but an oversized striped shirt, playing an intense level of Super Mario Bros. and smoking. Matt, on the other hand, was decked out in all leather and had perched himself over the blonde's shoulder because he was SO GODDAMN BORED AND THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO. Of course, he didn't wanna go and do anything productive, that would hurt this stereotypical story's plot, and we wouldn't want that, would we? Besides, it's been poked at and bothered enough with this strange turn of events.

"Melloooooooooooooooo..." Matt whined. Ok good. At least the dialogue is the way it's supposed to be going. "I want my choooooooooocolaaaaaaaaaate."

"Shut the fuck up Matt, I'm playing." Mello snapped, irritated. "Get off your fat ass and get some yourself, I'm not your fucking slave."

Matt pouted, pulling himself up and moaning and groaning about the long journey to the cupboard with the chocolate stash.

...What? It had to be done. I mean, almost every story like this portrays Mello as more of a bitch than he actually is. And since I'm pretty sure Matt and Mello have switched roles, I'm afraid Matt has to be the bitch.

So Matt whined and made a big ass deal about walking ten feet. Around here would be the point where the picky readers address Matt/Mello/whatever's intelligence, and couldn't he have brought a bar of chocolate with him? I mean, if Matt/Mello/whoever the fuck this is loves chocolate so much, wouldn't you think he kept a bar next to his bed or brought one with him wherever he went instead of keeping them all stashed away in a place he'd have to walk to every time he wanted another one? And speaking of beds, aren't they after Kira and probably shouldn't be staying anywhere nice enough with a good bed or a couch to be lazy on or even a kitchen area to keep chocolate?

And to that I say, shut up picky reader. This is an AU, remember?

So as the picky reader backed down and went to go leave a long, picky review containing absolutely everything that was wrong with this story, Matt continued his long journey to the chocolate.

He made to move as slow as possible, and whine as loud as possible, so that maybe something other than the game's music and Mario's whoops would get to Mello's ears. Maybe he'd even get up and get Matt the chocolate so he didn't have to get it himself, because let's face it. He's too much of a bitch to do anything for himself. I mean, look at Near. He doesn't have to do shit for himself! He has people hold the freaking phone to his ear for God's sake! If Near can have that, then why not Matt?

Suddenly, the picky reader's ears perked up and their fingers ceased tapping away furiously at their keyboard. If this was an AU like you've claimed so many times, and clearly Kira doesn't exist because nobody's been doing shit this whole story, then why are you mentioning the SPK, because I don't think there's any other people who'd be holding a phone for Near or doing everything for him. The SPK exists solely to catch Kira, who doesn't exist in this story apparently, so-

Realizing that the author had no good reason to explain this, they simply covered up with a well written "THIS IS MAH FIRST STORY SO DONT BE SO MEEN TO ME OK I DONT HAVE ANY EXPERIEEENSE!11!1!1"

Very clever. The reader surely will be fooled by this amazing excuse.

So the picky reader reluctantly shrunk back to continue writing their review, this time stabbing the keyboard even more furiously.

Now back to the story. So as Matt moved slower than a snail that hadn't slept in weeks, he imagined what would happen when Mello finally acknowledged Matt's obnoxious whines. He'd drop the game and run to Matt, spouting some bullshit about how he was so sorry Matt had to suffer like this and "oh I'll get you your chocolate bar" and "while we're at it wanna fuck because I suddenly love you" because secretly, Matt had feelings for Mello that went way beyond the friend zone and crushed homophobes' gaydars all over the world.

The author sat back at this point, imagining how all the readers would be wide-eyed and awed at this beautifully executed and heart wrenching plot twist that's only been used about 9000+ times.

Matt hadn't realized just how long he'd been fantasizing, and suddenly he was right in front of the cupboard with holding all the chocolate. This was no good. He wanted Mello to come to his rescue. He thought for a moment. An idea struck.

What better way to catch someone's attention than...

Matt swung out an arm and "accidentally" knocked over a glass of water sitting on the counter.

What counter? Who gives a shit? It was only in one sentence anyways.

The glass fell to the ground and shattered, and that got Mello's attention. "Seriously Matt? Yo can't even get yourself a fucking chocolate bar without breaking everything!"

Mello marched into the room, still complaining about Matt's clumsiness. But the second he saw Matt's pouty "I'm sorry" face, he stopped, and miraculously realized that he loved Matt.

He dashed over to Matt, forgetting about the broken glass that the author made disappear because the moment called for it. He hugged Matt, vowing never to let him get in danger ever again.

And the picky reader facedesked. It was only a glass.

Of course, Matt was surprised by this sudden display of affection and was of course blushing and stuttering and acting way too uke for his own good and practically exploding on the inside.

Then, Mello looked up and said, "Matt, I love you."

The author had to get up and jump around for a moment, fangirl squees and all. This was too much for her to handle. Once she got a hold of herself, she sat back down and continued.

"O-o-oh Mello, I-I-I love you too!"

The picky reader jumped out a window.

Matt and Mello kissed.

It was not described. The author couldn't handle it.

She had another fangirling session, and tried to think of a good way to end this unbelievably sexy fanfiction she just wrote.

Mello leaned over to Matt's ear and whispered, "Wanna fuck?"

And of course, half because the author wasn't mature enough to write this kind of thing, and half because she thought it'd be a great cliffhanger that would leave her awed readers wanting more, and maybe ask for her to write an even sexier second chapter, she left the story there.

It was a sad day for the Death Note fandom.

**Ok, I just wanna say that I didn't mean to offend any particular author or mock any particular story. If anyone does end up getting offended by this, I'm just gonna laugh. At first I was only trying to mock how the stories always begin by switching Matt and Mello's roles, but I didn't know how to go on with that and just began mocking a stereotypical story itself. I guess now that I read it again, I don't see the point in switching Matt and Mello, but oh well, it makes the story more cracktacular. Before you guys get all pissy and offended though, I based this chapter on my first Death Note fanfic, which did go almost exactly like this. If this does resemble something you've written, just do what I did and laugh at yourself. It's not that bad. I mean, you can only get better. Inspiring Alexa is inspiring. So, on that note, bye until the next chapter.**


End file.
